


so close to me

by pagsilip



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:46:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23358730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pagsilip/pseuds/pagsilip
Summary: jisung and jaemin don't feel the same way anymore.
Relationships: Na Jaemin/Park Jisung
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	so close to me

**Author's Note:**

> i have returned :00 listen to close to me by laica to idk,,,, get you in the feels??? HHHH

the cold breeze of the night hit jisung’s face rather harshly as he stood on the balcony of his shared apartment with jaemin. his eyes gaze downwards, watching the empty pavement below him once in a while be filled with a person or two—either drunk or just taking a walk to think on this usually depressing night. jisung sighed as he took out his phone from his pocket to look at the time.

2:00 A.M

_jaemin must be sleeping by now, right?_ the question runs through jisung’s head as he thought of the older sleeping soundly on their shared bed but would jisung even have the guts to still call it their bed? for a tiny bit, yes. 

deciding to turn the spare room—what used to be jisung’s room when he first moved in—into their study room is the biggest regret jisung has because sleeping next to jaemin doesn’t feel the same anymore. what jisung used to claim it as what feels like home now feels like a fire slowly dying down, its flame not giving the sense of comfort and warmth anymore. a part of jisung wants to just crash in the couch for tonight but another part is telling him to just suck it up once again and sleep. i mean, it is also his bed after all.

not for long he hopes.

jaemin couldn’t sleep and not because of the empty space next to him. no, it was something more than that. his mind runs through thousands of thoughts and jaemin couldn’t help but feel anxious. jaemin knew his relationship with jisung is slipping right out of his fingers but he doesn’t have the need to save it. to make matters worse, he plans on ending all of it.

jaemin has thought of a lot of scenarios in his head, has thought of thousands of lines that will make this break up less painful but he’ll always end up with an image of jisung crying. jaemin sighed at the thought and as if on cue, he heard his bedroom door creaked open and closed gently. seconds later, he felt an added weight to the bed and few more seconds after that, jisung was fast asleep.

jaemin slowly released the breath he didn’t know he was holding. he slightly rolled over to peek at the younger beside him and saw that he was also laying on his side too, back facing jaemin. what used to be a night filled with cuddling and contented sighs were now replaced by an invisible border in the middle of their bed, separating the two, and it tasted bitter to jaemin’s tongue; he blinked once before he rolled back to his last position and slept.

that night the couple slept with their backs facing each other again. not once moving an inch closer to wrap in each other’s arms.

the next morning only consisted of curt greetings and a growing tension that the two didn’t even bother to engage in it. just like any other things, jisung left the apartment without a word and jaemin didn’t gave him a kiss good bye.

to say that this is just a phase for a couple who’s been dating for 3 years already is a lie. jaemin and jisung used to think of any excuse that would come out of their minds when one misses a meal, when one cancels on their date, when one isn’t present in bed until one became too many. the two didn’t even realize that they just stopped doing all of those things altogether.

both boys knew that they’ve definitely grew apart but to admit that they’ve fallen out of love felt too real and overwhelming that they chose not to address it for now; because if there was one more thing that they wouldn’t dare to admit, it was that they were still scared to let go.

jisung politely bid the landlord good bye before he went on his way. he fished out his phone and crossed out something off a list—the address of the fourth apartment building he’s visited for the day. jisung knew that his breakup with jaemin was inevitable, he knew that it will happen sooner or later and he just wanted to be prepared when that time comes. jisung promised himself that he’ll break things off with the older as soon as he finds the perfect apartment. unfortunately for him, he hasn’t found it yet.

honestly, jisung is starting to run out of options. he doesn’t even know why he was so persistent on finding a cheap apartment when he could just live with his parents until he earns enough money to move out again. jisung looked through his list of apartments again and saw that there was only one left. he utterly decided that if he doesn’t like this apartment, he’ll move back to his parents for a little while.

jisung ended up liking the last one.

the ticking of the clock mocked jaemin’s thoughts and it was starting to annoy him. after much contemplation and debate, jaemin decided that he’ll finally have a talk with jisung. he realized that they’ve prolonged the matter at hand for a few months now and to be honest, jaemin feels suffocated by it. he fumbled on the television remote as he tried to control his beating heart. to have a full conversation with jisung again got jaemin all nervous because if he recalls all the conversations that they’ve had for the past months, it always felt foreign. as if he was talking to a stranger.

jaemin heard the front door open announcing jisung’s arrival but he didn’t greet him with a smile or a hug like before. instead, he ignored the younger as he waltzed his way through the hallways and into their room. jaemin continued to act natural as he stared at the television, not even sure what the show was about; he was just too preoccupied of what he’s going to say. when jaemin felt that he was ready to talk to jisung, he made his way to their room and with a deep breath he opened the door.

“we need to talk.”

jisung and jaemin spent an hour talking but the majority of it was a heavy silence, weighing them down unexpectedly. jisung didn’t cry when jaemin shared that they were falling apart. neither did jaemin. they didn’t fight when jaemin brought up the topic of breaking up or when jisung announced that he was moving out. there was no shouting, no exchanges of harsh words, no walking out unlike their past fights. this was entirely different. it was different because they knew that jisung wouldn’t come back home, moments after walking out, smelling newly cooked food that jaemin made as his way to say sorry. they knew it was different because they wouldn’t end up in each other’s arms later, whispering apologies and promises. they knew it was different because no one apologized nor made a promise; it was mutual. 

no one talked after that. the two boys were just sitting there, quiet. a heavy feeling crept up jisung’s chest and he could’ve swore he could hear his heart shattering alongside jaemin’s. in a matter of an hour, their relationship ended.

jisung slept on the couch that night, and jaemin didn’t mind the absence of someone beside him.

jisung silently sat down on the other end of the couch after carrying his last box of his belongings downstairs. the silence in the apartment was deafening, the air suffocating, but no one chose to speak. they were both on arm’s reach yet they felt like they were so far away from each other.

jaemin could feel his throat close up as he bit his lips hard, his eyes stinging. he stared at the ceiling and blew out a shaky breath as an attempt to calm himself down. it didn’t work. tears flowed down jaemin’s cheeks until his quiet sobs filled the apartment. moments later he felt jisung hugged him tight, cradling his head on his chest.

“i’m sorry jaem.” jisung whispered. he had his eyes closed, silent tears streaming down his face as he fought back a sob. “i didn’t want this to happen.”

“none of us wanted to, sung.” jaemin sighed as he broke the hug, and he can finally see what the younger looked—eye red, cheeks wet. broken. he grabbed a hold of jisung’s hand and held it tight, jisung did the same. jaemin took one last look at the other’s eyes and saw the stars he used to love, he just knew that things are going to be okay. “i’m sorry too.”

jisung sniffed as he reached for his keys in his pocket and handed them down to jaemin. the moment jisung returned his keys, both boys knew that there was no turning back. no more hugs or kisses when one returns home, no more deep night talks that would go on for hours, no more late night drive thrus to their favorite fast food restaurant, no one to hold to when one needs comfort or is simply scared of a horror movie. it was the end and that was their reality. 

as jisung was about to walk out of the door jaemin called for his name one last time. “hey jisung...” the younger looked back, waiting for him to finish.

“you know i loved you, right?” jisung smiled at this, bringing him back to an image of them under the covers. jaemin‘s cold hands would slip under the younger’s shirt, meeting with his warm skin, and would pull him by the waist. jisung could easily smell the older’s scent and it would bring him all the comfort he needs. he remembers how jaemin would whisper that line to him with every chance he gets and it all felt bittersweet.

“i know,” the taller replied. “i loved you too.” and with that, jisung was out of the apartment. out of jaemin’s life.

another tear rolled out of jaemin’s eye as he registered the image of his apartment now. spacious, empty and _cold_. it almost didn’t feel like home. just like that, the empty space on jaemin’s bed remained empty.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if this was good enough !! hehe
> 
> twt: r8njn  
> cc: j__sung


End file.
